Why I'm So Affected by National Service - Part 1

 

 That's me. And that's the problem.

"I will not accept what I have now if I know I deserve better"

I mean, I don't see the point. Clearly a majority of people don't enjoy what they do when they serve. What we all constantly look forward to, is ORD. That's so unhealthy. It's just that I embrace it, and I'm willing to take action and change that. I believe it's possible. Isn't it better to try and cross the river than to stay where you are and keep on wondering what's it like over at the other side?

Everyone says, "Just give them this 2 years and we're done. Just tolerate." NO. 2 years is a lot of time. And I'm not saying that I don't want to serve, I want to serve properly. And by properly, I mean using my capabilities to the fullest and to constantly grow as a person.

The few months before I enlisted, I was living an amazing life. It was filled with lots of personal development, friends, passion, and exercise. I was exposed to such incredible knowledge almost every single day, stuff about life that'll make you go, "OHHHHHH" and "DAMN I wish I knew this earlier...". In addition, I could put what I learnt to immediate use, because I had all the time on my hands. I was also able to, very easily, put together material into compositions and share it in this blog. It was a time where I experienced 'daily enlightment', where I was constantly connecting with my higher-self: that part of you that's smarter and wiser and everything better than you currently are. The more often you connect, the faster and better you grow as a person. (I know I may sound a little crazy at this point of time) What I really loved about that period of time was continuous achievement.

In NS, a lucky few are given vocations and environments that are in line with their nature and inner-desires. However, as for the rest who serve unhappily, they are often told, "Just accept, you have no choice." Those who follow this idea, I'm afraid, may also be like that in their adulthood. I mean, look, it seems perfectly fine, normal and healthy, and it makes one happy, right? No. Imagining having this state of mind, when they are out in the society, as adults completely in charge of their own lives. When faced with issues such as: 'I'm not happy with my current job', 'I'm not making enough money as I'd like', 'I'm not living true to myself', 'I have trouble finding a girlfriend', and 'I hate my beer belly', they tell themselves...

What?

JUST ACCEPT.

And then they live like that all their lives, conforming to the society's expectations, afraid to take risks, unwilling to do the things that make them truely happy. (and I don't mean going around shooting innocent people)

And then it comes to the day when it's time for them to leave, and they die with regrets.

Some people may think, "I'll just think this way for NS, it's really impossible to do anything about it. After that, I'll change."

Does it work?

We, humans, are creatures of habit. If we hated maths all our lives, we're probably gonna hate it forever. If we haven't been comfortable talking to strangers since young, and we keep on telling ourselves, "It's okay," everytime we try to start a conversation but back out at the last moment, then the chances are, it's gonna stay the same way. Until we make the decision to break that self-created barrier one day.

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

(Source: http://m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying)

The Vicious Cycle

©Tim Newman Photography 2012 | http://timnewmanphotography.com/

The average Singaporean has a job.

He/she pulls himself/herself out of bed reluctantly every morning, because they don't enjoy going to work. Who does?

While they're at work, the only thing they look forward to, is knock off. That's their motivation.

After that they either go for a short chill out session with friends to unwind, or home for dinner, bath, some tv or computer for entertainment, and then they sleep. Without much sense of accomplishment. Well maybe other than that Candy Crush level they completed with much effort. (STOP SENDING ME CANDY CRUSH INVITES!!!)

The next morning starts with them pulling themselves out of bed once again, and maybe with a little bit of FMLs ranted every now and then.

This goes on for 5 days a week, and every day they countdown to Friday. During their weekends, they HAVE FUN. It's finally time to relax, indulge in food, go crazy with friends, spend some quality time with the family, and break free from all the stresses of work life. For 2 days. Most people have little time and mood, for either personal development, or enhancing their quality of life.

And then they go back to work, wishing that the weekend was longer. That's when you get 'Monday blues'.

That's when achieving your dreams or making the world a better place sounds like A JOKE.

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

I know that my words can't be trusted, since I'm not successful at this point of time. But if you aren't successful as well, then it only makes sense that you don't trust yourself too! And that's why I learn and listen to people who are already successful, and then try it out for myself to see if it works. And that's why I'm sharing these 2 pages of text with you. It's from 'Secrets of the Millionaire Mind' by T. Harv Eker. I might be doing a review of this book soon, because I think it's really so amazing (an understatement) that I want to share it with as many people as possible. Well, what do I gain? Happiness! From inspiring people, as I inspire myself. :)

It's only worse when you have a $9000 per semester for 4 years = $72,000 worth of university fees to pay (excluding interest). That'll take you more than 7 years if you were to earn an average uni grad's pay, which is about $2000+ per month, and you pay back $1000 monthly. And AFTER THAT, you'd be over 30, and you haven't even saved for your marriage. And your house. How much are the houses nowadays? A 3-room BTO flat in Toa Payoh, as of 1st quarter 2013, costs $360,000. And its only 68m². If you want a 3-room condo, it's $1.5 million. $1,500,000. If you want a semi-d, it's about $3-5 million. $3,000,000 - $5,000,000. You get what I'm sayin.

And we've not considered saving for retirement. OH YES, RETIREMENT! There's CPF? That's bullshit. Do a little bit of research and you'll see that it's almost useless.

I only forsee a life of debt. And repayment. If you were to live a life like that.

To myself, and everyone else who's reading this (and isn't financially free), WAKE UP!

(According to the Pareto Principle, only 20% of you are going to resonate with this, while the other 80% goes, "YAH talk cock, where got so easy one?" That's why the world's richest form only a minority of mankind, while the rest, are poor.)

2012 : I've Changed

I'M FINALLY BLOGGING AGAIN! I hope my writing hasn't deproved though, after being in the army for close to 9 weeks now. BMT is ending this week! (Basic Military Training) Yay. Finally an end to wasting my life away doing things that are irrelevant to my future. Well I did learn useful life-lessons though. And I must admit, BMT was a very good avenue for me to practise what I learnt before enlistment. What did I learn? Read on and you'll find out.

This year, there weren't many amazing moments. There were many dark days, which served as tough lessons, which, as painful as they were, helped me grow emotionally and spiritually. (I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious. I don't have a religion.) Sometimes it's only through suffering we learn and grow.

Nevertheless, I'm extremely grateful that I've had the privilege to stumble upon amazing knowledge and life-changing revelations that truly lifted me to a higher state of being and awareness.

Personal development, although it's been an ongoing thing for me since years ago, it is the year of 2012 that I've really really reeeeeally changed. For the better. It was at such a rapid pace that for a couple of months, if you were to know me on one day, and talk about me with someone who knew me a week ago, I wouldn't be surprised if there were contradictions aplenty. I used to hate change, always preferring the past. But now, constant change is my way of life. And that is the way to succeed. Nothing is static.

So, here comes the question, "What's different?"

I used to be a... Beta male. Or rather, a Beta BOY. An unremarkable, careful male who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.

I was a kid. Immature. Ungrounded. Lame. I was a low-value male, who didn't have anything going on for me. So what if I had interesting and attractive passions like singing, dance, magic, and art? I didn't know how to convey them. People saw me as a 'music lover', not an 'artiste'. It is only now that these skills I have, generate attraction. (not the fall-in-love kind, but the unisex want-to-get-to-know-you-better kind)

I was insecure, often seeking attention and validation, to be told that I was good. Especially in secondary school. I never realised that! No wonder I wasn't very likable.

I was a very 婆婆妈妈 guy. And I have absolutely no idea how to translate and explain that in English. Erm. Long-winded + weak + indecisive +... ... Okay, I give up. If you don't understand, it's just not something good.

I was diffident (If you were speed-reading, read that word again, it's not 'different'. It means shy, timid, unsure, lack of self-confidence.), afraid of breaking barriers, conscious of what people thought of me, and a little bit of bad hair would affect me. I'm pretty sure that if there was a prize for 'Most number of visits to the mirror to fix hair', it would have been me. In poly. Now you can just insult me with tons of vulgarities, at 88 decibels, in front of a hundred people, and I wouldn't feel a thing. Well, it's your blood pressure that's rising, it's your vocal cords that you're hurting, it's you who's lowering your own value by being so vulgar, and uncivilised. That was what happened in army, just not that bad. Maybe it was. But it doesn't matter. As long as I know I'm not wrong, no voices on the outside can destroy that inner peace inside of me. If I'm really wrong, then it's as straightforward as admitting my mistake, and giving a sincere apology. I'll talk more about this in my upcoming (long dued) blog post about emotional mastery.

I used to enjoy being alone. I loved privacy, putting up barriers when people tried to get close to me. I never really appreciated texts like, 'Hey, how's your holidays?' or 'What are you doing today?' And that's one of the reasons why I didn't have many friends. Well, I still do treasure privacy, but I'm super social the other half of the time. Now, I need to be alone as much as I need to interact with people. Not doing that makes me sick! Well, not really, but I feel like talking to people makes me energised. And happy. For the socially inept ones, my advice for you: Love, and be loved. Give your time to others, and they will give you theirs. A life of being alone is really unhealthy. And unhappy.

I didn't have healthy relationships with girls. Those who didn't matter to me, I wouldn't really talk to them, while those who mattered, I was too shy. Now I just talk to anyone and everyone.

To me, there're 3 levels of social-ness in social situations. The 1st level, which is the worst one, is when someone approaches you, and you're still reserved and unresponsive. The 2nd level is when you need someone to approach you, and then you just open up. The 3rd and highest level is when you approach people and start conversations. It took me really long, all the way from pri/sec school to advance from the lowest to the highest level. And to be comfortable with it, neither creeping people out nor making a fool out of myself. Well, late than never! Some people never get it their whole lives.

Army made me, and I believe, everyone else stronger. We're like, being thrown into the wilderness to fend for ourselves. When everything good was being taken away, we started to treasure. "失去才懂得珍惜。" (It's when you lose something that you treasure it.) We experienced hardship. And when we finally return to our real lives, nothing is ever too tough. Almost.

And the reason for my steadily rising standard of life? One of the main factors is the understanding of the Law of Attraction. YES I KNOW I'M OBSESSED WITH IT, telling everyone and anyone I know and meet about it. It's because it's really amazing. Life-changing once you know it. It's not like a 'new-age-Jedi-craziness', but it is as real as the law of gravity. And I just have to share it with everyone, because I'm not the kind who keeps treasures to myself - I believe in sharing. Which is one of the main reasons why I blog. If I'm succeeding, then I want others to too. What I've realised about the Law of Attraction is that many people know it, but few understand it. You can check out the first 20 minutes of the film here: The Secret - First 20 mins. It's a true revelation. You may not believe or agree with it, but give it a try before you reject it. This mindset has been one of the key elements of my current successes.

As 2013 comes our way, I'm expecting lots of happiness, achievements, and of course, love.

IT'S TIME TO PARTY.

What Do You Want To Do In Life?

From the late Alan Watts...

Are You An Indigo Child?

Interesting find...

From Wikipedia:

Indigo children, according to a pseudoscientific New Age theory, are children who are believed to possess special, unusual and sometimes supernatural traits or abilities. A variety of books, conferences and related materials have been created surrounding belief in the idea of indigo children and their nature and abilities. The interpretations of these beliefs range from their being the next stage in human evolution, in some cases possessing paranormal abilities such as telepathy, to the belief that they are more empathetic and creative than their peers.

Characteristics of indigo children include:

1. Empathetic ☑, curious ☑, strong-willed ☑, independent ☑, and often perceived by friends and family as being strange ☑
2. Possess a clear sense of self-definition and purpose ☑
3. Exhibit a strong innate sub-conscious spirituality from early childhood (which, however, does not necessarily imply a direct interest in spiritual or religious areas) ☑
4. A strong feeling of entitlement, or "deserving to be here." ☑
5. A high intelligence quotient, an inherent intuitive ability ☑
6. Resistance to rigid, control-based paradigms of authority ☑

From www.indigochild.com:

As a summary, here are the ten attributes that best describe this new kind of child, the Indigo Child.

• They come into the world with a feeling of royalty (and often act like it) ☑
• They have a feeling of "deserving to be here," and are surprised when others don't share that. ☑
• Self-worth is not a big issue. They often tell parents "who they are". ☑
• They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice) ☑
• They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them ☑
• They get frustrated with systems that are ritually oriented and don't require creative thought ☑
• They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like "system busters" (non-conforming to any system) ☑
• They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they often turn inward, feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially ☑
• They will not respond to "guilt" discipline ("Wait till your father gets home and finds out what you did") ☑
• They are not shy in letting you know what they need ☑

Hmmm............ :)

Just When My Hair Is Looking It's Best

IT'S GOIN OFF. DOWN. To the melodious sound of the shaver, "EH.....HH......HHH..........HHHH....."

And voilà, botak! (slang for 95% baldness)

Finally, I'm doing a blog about my personal life.

So I'm enlisting TOMORROW, Nov 1. (Recheck calendar. Yes, it's correct. Sigh.)

Wait. I've never actually felt any bit of unhappiness about enlisting. Sometimes it's only at the last minute that you feel something.

Many people asked me, "How do you feel about goin in?" I always say that, well, it's about time. It's been such a long break since school ended, I've learnt so much, did so much, and achieved so much. And most importantly, changed so much. Till I've reached a plateau, and I was wasting quite a lot of time for the past couple of weeks. Any longer and I'd go into 'useless-bum' mode.

awesome hair

Wasted right? Hahahaha I know.

The past few days have been spent in the studio recording songs. It was because I wanted to do a video while my hair was still in place. But I'm not going to. Why? Because it's all not up to standard. I'm the kind of person, who'd either do something super well, or just don't do it at all. And I've always had high standards for everything, which just makes it worse. Or is it a good thing? Haha.

I put in sooo much effort and time, but I didn't achieve anything. I feel really bad that my really good friend, Ben, had to waste his time too, by helping me out with the recording and videoing. But the truth is that whatever you give, you'll receive. So it'll all come back to him. :) The only thing I achieved was probably a better relationship with him, hahaha. NO HOMO.

I've spent time with my family.

I didn't really meet up with a lot of people, because... I'm not actually going to die. I'll still get to go home. Hahahaha...

I've talked to a lot of friends over the past few weeks too. New friends, old friends. Some pretty amazing stuff happened.

But I still have this feeling that there's this one last person I have to meet, or that one last thing that I have to do. Hmmm...

Okay I think that's about it. More posts coming your way (if I have the time), and I WILL SEE YOU SOON. ;)

Wish me luck!

P.S. If you miss me, you can sing this song :P

Always On My Mind (cover by Ben Eio)

Which Comes First: Sex or Marriage?

In my last post I talked about sex vs relationship, which you can read here.

There was a period of time when I dedicated a lot of time to social dynamics and dating science, which are mostly from the Western point of view. I found out that for them, sex before marriage is a reeeally common, and normal thing to do. I always say, "In America, it's embarrassing to have not lost your virginity, but in Asia, it's the other way round."

Over the years, my opinion has jumped from side to side, but this time, I was extremely confused, because everything I learnt so far made perfect sense, and worked wonders. I thought to myself every day, "What's right?"

After a few days of hard thought, I attracted a book to me, and with it, the answers I've been searching for. I was on my way home when I decided to drop by the bookstore to read up on communication (which I didn't, cos a book about love caught my attention). After about 30 minutes of reading (something I always do :x), I finally managed to pry myself away from the very intriguing book (which I ended up buying), and picked up a second book. Here're some edited extracts from it:

#

(Source: Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris)

The longer your "no big deal" list is before marriage, the shorter your "very special" list will be after marriage.

This principal reminds us that we should base our decisions of what we do and don't do in our physical relationship on a desire to maximise the joy and pleasure of sex within marriage.

Many couples spend much of the dating and courtship phases convincing themselves that things like kissing and sexual touching are "no big deal". When they finally reach the marriage bed, there's very little left that can be considered unique and special to marriage.

When I was young, I read the story of a boy who was granted his wish that every day would be Christmas. For a while it was paradise - every morning he dashed downstairs to newly stuffed stockings and dozens of presents under the tree. But in a very short time, the celebration lost its joy. There was no longer anything special about it. He began to despise his parents. He had thought that he would find happiness in boundless Christmases but instead he gutted the holiday of its meaning and pleasure.

Couples who impatiently and greedily take sex outside the boundaries of marriage do the same thing. It's like Christmas every day. The act loses its beauty and uniqueness. (and significance, I add)

Why does Christianity ask its followers to face the daily struggles of controlling their sexual appetites until marriage? That's because they believe in great sex! I've read that honeymoon resorts are having to provide more and more activities for newlyweds who, since they didn't wait, are bored with sex by the time they get married. While many sexually promiscuous couples greet the marriage bed with a yawn, the chaste fall into it with cries of delight. On our honeymoon, Shannon and I didn't need a schedule packed with activities. We rarely left our hotel room! We had stored up passion; we were full of anticipation and pure desire. Everything was new, fresh, and intoxicating.

If we didn't have to wait for it, there'd be no anticipation, no build-up, no excitement.

Ray and Angelina slept with each other during their 9 month engagement. It felt so right, how could it be wrong? "It was incredible. There was this animal passion between us," Ray says. They justified their fornication by saying that their "electric" sex confirmed that they were supposed to be married. And they assumed that the extra practice in bed would only benefit them in the future. They were wrong. They bargained with lust, and they got ripped off.

A year and a half after their wedding, the sizzle had vanished from their sex life. Sadly, they went back to the bargaining table with lust. They started renting porn movies to "enhance" their passion. It didn't work. The more inflamed they became with lust, the less satisfied they felt. Now Ray is starting to view porn on the Internet and cast a longing eye at women at work. Once again lust is telling him that "what he really needs" is something that he doesn't have.

Is Ray and Angelina's story proof that marriage ruins sex? No, it's another sad example of LUST ruining sex. During their engagement they learned to delight in what was off-limits. They weren't being driven by a passion for the goodness of pure sex; their passion was fueled by the sinful thrill of lust. When they got married and sex became something good and pure, they had no appetite for it.

#

I think that was below 10% right? (copyright issues) Hahaha... I don't think Joshua will mind anyway, cos it's for the 'greater good of all mankind'. :P

Well I'm only 20, and my opinions may change as I continue on the long journey of life. Honestly, I have no idea what might happen.

But till then, PEACE. ;) 

'The longer your "no big deal" list is before marriage, the shorter your "very special" list will be after marriage.' - Joshua Harris

Which Comes First: Sex or Relationship?

I was speaking to M today and this was what he said:

"I'm always having that problem, girls are attracted to me no doubt, but they don't sleep with me. And trust me, I am not a player, and I definitely do not want to be one. I just believe in sex before relationships. Getting the physical barriers away first, before diving into love."

Well, which comes first, it's not up to me to say. But I'm gonna tell you what I believe in.

(Channeling my inner guru...)

The problem with PUAs (Pick Up Artists), in my opinion, is that they're too focused on sex. Most of them just want to go out there, pick up chicks, and bed them. One of the most popular sequences that is ubiquitous within the seduction community is: "Attract - Comfort - Seduce" Which ends in sex. Only after sex does a relationship start. PUAs want same-night lays, one-night stands, threesomes, etc. Where's the 'love' part? They can't even remember the names of the girls they've slept with. So it's not at all suprising that only a couple of the greatest PUAs in the world are happily married. The rest are just lost in the bottomless pit of sex.

That's damn sad.

To further explain this, I shall use my 'Kenogi's Theory of Importance' (which I just came up with 20 minutes ago). It goes like this:

• Things that you do first, are the things which are of higher importance. (Conciously or unconsiously)
• Examples:
• You open the door before you get into the house, because if you don't, you can't get in.
• You brush your teeth first thing in the morning, because if you don't, you can't eat (you'll be ingesting all the leftover bacteria from the past 8 hours of sleep), and you won't be able to talk to anyone (your breath stinks).
• You finish your homework first before you use the computer (because your grades are more important).
• OR you use the computer first before you do your homework (because you need an emotional recharge).
• You sacrifice your lunch for a project which might cost you your job if you didn't complete it on time / properly. And many other instances where you give up one person for another because he/she is more important. (e.g. family over friend, close friend over normal friend)
• Note: This theory has only been developed for 30 minutes. So it's incomplete.
• Imagine seeing this in textbooks 5 years down the road... (like 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs')
• Not gonna lie, but I'm feeling rather proud of myself now hahahahaha... :P

So, how can we relate this to the topic of 'sex vs relationship'?

• If a guy wants to sleep with a girl first before they start a relationship, sex is more important than the relationship.
• If one MUST have sex before the marriage can take place, then he/she values sex over the marriage. (this will be talked about more in my next post)
• Note: I'm not saying what's right and what's wrong, I'm just stating a fact: you actually value A over B.

I've talked to a few friends, who're over 30, and have had much more experience in relationships than I do (and are good looking, in case you wonder). They've all told me that although sex brings a couple closer together, those relationships that started with sex didn't last. Think about that one.

Here's what I'll always believe in:

Stay tuned for the next post! It'll have an almost-identical name as this one.

P.S. If you're up for a story of “I’m not a Pick Up Artist (PUA) anymore. Fuck that. Please don’t call me one. I just want to find a great girl and have a nice relationship.” visit: http://richardlaruina.com/confessions-of-a-pick-up-artist NOTE: I do not agree with him 100%, but he does make a lot of sense.

10 Things You Must Give Up To Move Forward

Found this today, just HAD to share it with you guys! ;)